40 toward the Omer

hod shebyesod

A year and two months later, Dr. Nanine Ewing dies. I remember all of us lying down on our bellies on the carpet of that hotel conference room, finishing the dance, faces full above the candles we then blow out.

And how have I done, Nanine? “Appraise the affects that come from universal group stages,” “Identify movement that has interest and draws intention versus movements that take us into past or future,” “Contrast movement of spontaneity and authenticity versus performance”—

learning objectives for “relationship with the body unconscious”? If you weren’t performing, God says, then you don’t need a review. My love quotes an elder: “You know, someone told me once that if you’re looking for the truth,

that means you don’t have it. So stop looking. Then you’ll have it.” I stop looking, keep writing. My head is heavy from the hour and maybe only from the hour, and there is nothing, and everything, more to know.