Rediscovery

Rediscovered the journal in which I recorded notes during the summer of 2010, when I was studying at Pardes. It has been sitting on my shelf in New York for months, but I did not take the time to look through it until I was preparing for my running-through-a-fountain-with-a-friend visit to Washington Heights this past Friday and decided it had enough blank pages to be appropriate notebook to carry along. There are some true journal entries, some email addresses that I was happy to remind myself of, some shuk grocery lists (at least one written by someone else who had a much better sense of menu and proportions), some thesis thoughts, many quotations from classes (generally marked by quotation marks), and the occasional prompted freewrite. Twice, our teachers asked us to write prayers. Or at least to start. To try, to see.

The cymbals hang in the stormy wind and they clang G-d! G-d! Let His name be part of everything! Bed squ[e]aks and rattling chains, the song of stars and the rustle of footsteps, let all praise G-d and be part of G-d's ways. How can You know all? But it is so. With every moment the universe rings; with every blink it all becomes clear. It is to G-d that we must turn our eyes; it is to G-d that we must turn our ears. How good it is, that melody in the air! Let us match it with our lips. G-d on high has released my lips, that I may sing of G-d's glory forever. How you shed light upon the world and unto the innermost parts of my soul! Knower of secrets, my light reaches to your light, aching to bask and rejoice in your presence.

July 12, 2010:

"Where do I begin?" "If you want to start somewhere...start with the one-line blessings....One word is important: Ata....the word that makes or breaks the blessing." -Mike Feuer/Tovah Leah [Perhaps I didn't remember who spoke this.]

"The essence of the words...the word to emphasize is Ata."

"Prayer is new every single day."
 -relationships being new every single day


  my life reaches out to you and the blue pen writes. the lines gray and straight dictating the forms of my praise. How to praise? I will tell you a story. This chair, right here, once an old man sat in it. He furrowed his brow and hrrumphed, then smiled, let his shoulders relax and his eyes open. In this moment he praised G-d. Where are the words? With what words can I praise you? What has not already been said, should I just switch into Russian, how can my words merit reaching you? do they need to reach you? Perhaps not. Ata ata ata ata ata

                                                                                            אתה
                                                                                            אתה
                                                                                        אתה פה
                                                                                            אתה
                                                        אתה
                                              אתה
                                                          אתה
                                                                               אתה  

מחיה המתים

You have returned
and the universe breathes

בוא נא בשלום
ממעמקי חלומות

Rise now to meet me
and sit down beside me

הרופא לשבורי לב
ומחבש לעצבותם

In naming the holy
the lonely find solace

The Yonahs

A few years ago, I started writing a story about two different Yonahs from Tana"kh: Yonah the dove, from Noah's Ark, and Yonah the Prophet, more commonly known in English as Jonah. I thought Yonah the dove would have much wisdom for Yonah the Prophet, but I have recently started thinking more about unsettled feelings and thoughts that the dove--as well as the dove-partner it presumably left behind--might have. And I realized that another Yonah should enter the picture: one of the lovers from Shir haShirim (The Song of Songs). The woman is called "yonati", but seeing as doves seem to come in pairs (which poses an interesting question for Yonah the Prophet), I figure that the woman's lover may also be classified as such.

All three share a fleeing, a leaving, a come-and-go relationship. The dove leaves the Ark and comes back, leaves the Ark and comes back, leaves the Ark and never returns. Yonah the Prophet tries to escape God's mission for him with regard to the city of Nineveh. And the lovers in Shir haShirim tear each other's hearts when a brief coyness results in the other's withdrawal.

I want the three to meet. For now, though, a drawing related to the one whom I, for now, label Yonah 2.

וַיְשַׁלַּח אֶת-הַיּוֹנָה

The dove did not return.
Was her mate waiting?

(Did she have a mate?)

שיר ליום השבת

Fall 2009

שיר ליום השבת

השמש רואה את הירח

סבא שלי רואה את סבתא שלי

הם רוקדים בלילה בגן

רגע אחד בארץ של תות גינה

אמא מספרת לי על השמש

אבא מספר לי על הירח

הם רוקדים בצהריים בבית

רגע אחד בארץ של תפוחים

אני מכירה את השמש

ידיד שלי מכיר את הירח

אנחנו רוקדים בבוקר בדרך

רגע אחד בארץ חלב ודבש

רגע אחד בירושלים

Questions for Angels

הוא הולך פנימה. בחדר יושבים מלאכים. כמה מלאכים שומעים מוסיקה. כמה מדברים על הכוכבים ועל החלומות של אנשים. כולם מהר שקטים כשהם רואים את הילד. הוא לא מדבר שלוש דקות.פ

אז הוא אומר:פ

כמה דגים יש בים?"ד"

המלאכים לא אומרים שום דבר.פ

הילד אומר:ד

כמה דלתות יש לבית השם בשמײַם?"ד"
המלאכים לא אומרים שום דבר.ד
הילד אומר:פ
כמה דרכים יש לידידתי?"ד"
המלאכים לא אומרים שום דבר.ד
הילד מגיע לסוף השאלות שלו ופונה לצאת. אבל קרוב לדלת הוא פונה ואומר שאלה אחרונה:ס
 על כמה שאלות אתם עונים?"ד"
מלאכה קמה מהכיסא שלה ונתנה תשובה:ד
על שאלה אחת."ד"
המלאכים יושבים בשקט והכנפײַם שלהם גדולות עם צבעים נוראים. המוסיקה שרה ורוקדת, צוחקת ומחײַכת....ד

He walks in. Angels sit in the room. Some angels are listening to music. Others speak about the stars and the dreams of men. All hush quickly when they see the boy. He does not speak for three minutes.

Then he says:

"How many fish are in the sea?"

The angels do not say anything.

The boy says:

"How many doors are there to the house of God in the heavens?

The angels do not say anything.

The boy says:

"How many roads are there to my beloved?"

The angels do not say anything.

The boy reaches the end of his questions and turns to leave. But near the door he turns and says his last question:

"How many questions will you answer?"

An angel rises from her seat and gives an answer:

"One question."

The angels sit in quiet, and their wings are great with fearsome colors. The music sings and dances, laughs and smiles....

- Hebrew B, journal entry, fall 2009 (before I learned past tense). 

Hamal'akh Hagoel Oti

(To listen, please go to the Songs page. Thanks!)

Shir Hama'alot of Seudah Shlishit

The prelude to the Grace after Meals for the third meal of Shabbat.

(To listen, please go to the Songs page.)

Yedid Nefesh

First time putting a song online. Yedid Nefesh is traditionally sung on Friday nights, right as Shabbat is starting, and then sometimes again on Saturday nights, right before the end of Shabbat, with a different tune. I was going to use pictures from a walk I took once, but uploading takes a while, so instead you have the Hebrew text to look at if you'd like. (Slightly different Hebrew text from what I'm singing.)

(To listen, please go to the Songs page.)

It was especially good for me to have this prayer when I was on a train crossing Russia. The 1 (2) 3 1 (2) 3 1 rhythm matched the rhythm of the turning wheels perfectly.