Wednesday, May 18, 2016

25 toward the Omer

netzach shebnetzach

In therapy I watercolor a four-leaf clover before noticing that my tea mug of now green rinsing water has three-leaf clovers painted all over it

I colluded with the forces to make me feel they had taken life away from me and had God passed me by or did I

first push away God saying no I just want to read this book in this chair I have no interest in playing squash anyway or

was it enough that God did not invite me along which is what I would have needed to feel I had been welcome to join

is God asking right now as I sit sullen in the cave jealous of the wind the quake the fire thinking where is my noise

and then the voice says What are you doing and I say I am jealous I am left alone and it says There is no

and invites me Go Return on Thy Way which may be the same way it is traveling and I undo the cloth from my face

and squint into the stillness and the smallness which from this angle seem to shimmer quietly within the entire realm of being and I find

the required brow furrow moves me just far enough from big-eyed fear that I have come half way to a new smile so I start

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